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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23444275">I'll be me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa'>emilia_kaisa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Figure Skating RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Drinking &amp; Talking, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Not Beta Read, Self-Acceptance, Some Humor, Summer Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:21:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,663</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23444275</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>At thirty-two, Yuzuru was living a perfectly normal, predictable life, comfortable and a little bit lonely. But then a sudden decision led him to Spain, where he met someone who showed him that the world had so much more to offer.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>87</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'll be me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story took over my life for the past few days and I can't remember last time I had so much fun writing something. I played a little with age here and made Yuzuru older, but that was the starting point of plotting this story for me.<br/>That being said, this is my precious baby so<br/>please take a look at the tags, and I hope you'll enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yuzuru wasn't sure what pushed him to do it.</p><p> </p><p>Usually he wasn't the one to make rushed decision, to do something without thinking it through. But for some reason, during that perfectly boring Thursday, when he was eating his cold lunch while mindlessly surfing on the Internet- he did something that he thought he would never do.</p><p>He was clicking through the pages absently, not really paying much attention to anything for more than five seconds, when he suddenly froze, with a piece of tofu halfway to his mouth.</p><p>
  <em> Beautiful hotel in Spain, close to the beach, special offers! </em>
</p><p>Usually Yuzuru ignored advertisements like that. He wasn't much of a traveling type, if he wanted to go for vacation he was completely happy with going for short trips around Japan from time to time. But for some reason now, looking at pretty pics of blue water and colorful umbrellas, he felt a strange, nagging urge to see it all in person.</p><p>Putting his chopsticks down, he leaned back in his chair and counted how many free days he had to use- more than enough, since during the past year he hadn't really gone anyway further than fifty kilometers from Sendai.</p><p>Usually, Yuzuru would come back home, spend long hours on checking things online, debating pros and cons before making the decision. But now, as if driven by some odd force, Yuzuru simply clicked the ad, chose the dates- he decided on early June, because why not- and after five minutes he received a happy email with confirmation of his booking. Yuzuru smiled to himself, feeling almost giddy- honestly, was it proper for a thirty-two year old man to feel giddy?</p><p>He got up and walked over to their office manager, who also chose spending lunch in the office, slowly munching on her fruit salad.</p><p>"Hey Kaori, I'm sorry for interrupting, could you just give me a holiday form?"</p><p>"Oh." Kaori gasped, looking a bit intrigued and immediately reaching to one of the drawers "Finally decided to go for some vacation?"</p><p>"Yeah. Thank you, I will fill it and drop it back."</p><p>"Sure! Where are you going, if I may ask?"</p><p>"Spain." Yuzuru said, realizing that he didn't really remember name of the place he was going to "Uh, I will be right back with this filled."</p><p>After giving the paper back to Kaori, he had enough time to check the place- he discovered that it wasn't some big city, but rather a bit calmer and smaller town, which was convenient, since Yuzuru was living his whole life in a metropoly, so something different would be nice. He even had a few spare minutes to check the flights and discover that it was pretty affordable.</p><p>And then the break ended, and Yuzuru got back to work, focused all over again, but now with a little smile dancing in the corner of his mouth.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>On Saturday he dressed himself in a nice light blue shirt his mom had bought him for his thirty first birthday. He fixed his hair, always trying to stick in all directions no matter how much he tried, before giving his reflection an approving glance before leaving his apartment.</p><p>He lived in the center while his parents were living in the suburbs, in the same house Yuzuru had grown up in. It usually took around thirty minutes to get there, time Yuzuru could spend on watching the city from behind the glass and letting his thoughts wander.</p><p>He loved his family deeply, and he was grateful for them every day, but there was something specific about those Saturday dinners that was making him a little tense. There was always Saya, her husband, their adorable twins and there atmosphere was usually good, a normal family dinner where they could catch up a little over good food. But sometimes Yuzuru could just feel those careful, hopeful glances, and a million questions that remained unasked. </p><p>It had taken his parents time, to accept Yuzuru's orientation, or rather accept the fact that their son and brother would never start a family on his own. His sister was much quicker to get used to the situation, but him and his parents had been through a lot of tears and difficult, painful conversations to realize that it wasn't just a phase he was going through. Still, sometimes Yuzuru could see in their eyes quiet hope that maybe one day he would settle down with some kind woman, have a family. </p><p>Yuzuru would lie if he said he never thought about it, debating with himself if maybe it would be possible, but he always chased the thought away. It wouldn’t be fair, to him and to another person, and he liked to think that at his age, he had his life sorted out. He didn’t really need a change. </p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Right at the door he was greeted by his adorable nieces, looking like little flowers with their pink round faces and pretty blue dresses.</p><p>"Uncle Yuzu, uncle Yuzu!" they squealed, hugging his legs and he laughed, ruffling their heads gently, careful not to destroy their braids that Saya had probably spent a lot of time on.</p><p>"How are my little munchkins doing?" he asked and they launched into a very loud story about how they had seen a black cat earlier and how grandma promised them ice cream.</p><p>The dinner was familiar and easy, naturally mostly circling around Saya and kids, and Yuzuru didn't mind that at all, enjoying talking about people they loved. But then, when they were eating dessert- vanilla and matcha ice cream that made the twins squeal even louder than before- Yuzuru's brother in law decided to shift the focus of the conversation a little.</p><p>"How are you, Yuzu? How's work?"</p><p>Those were easy, standard questions, but Yuzuru knew that Eiichi wasn't asking just because it was polite, he was truly interested in Yuzuru's life. They were always friendly with each other and Yuzuru always thought about Eiichi's as someone really nice, a great husband and loving father.</p><p>"It's good. Nothing new." Yuzuru shrugged before clearing his throat discreetly "But I'm actually going for a vacation in a few weeks?"</p><p>That caught everyone's attention, and suddenly all eyes were on him, full of curiosity and a bit of disbelief, because Yuzuru wasn't known for being some adventurous person.</p><p>"Vacation?" his mom asked slowly "Somewhere far away?"</p><p>"Spain, actually."</p><p>"That's cool!" Saya was the first one to break the few seconds of silence, smiling at Yuzuru brightly "I never knew you were interested in going there?"</p><p>"Let's say I decided I needed an adventure." Yuzuru smiled, and Eiichi grinned, probably the widest smile Yuzuru had ever seen on him.</p><p>"Yeah, really cool! Why that destination, though?"</p><p>"Well." Yuzuru cleared his throat, trying to buy some time before just deciding to go for the truth "I guess it was just, just kind of an out of a blue thing? I mean, I've heard Spain is nice, and I've found this really nice offer-"</p><p>"That sounds lovely." his mom said, and Yuzuru was relieved to see that his dad was nodding along the way "I hope you will have fun, it's been a long time since you went on some real vacation."</p><p>"I guess so." Yuzuru chuckled, looking down at his almost completely melted ice cream "I'm really excited."</p><p>"That sounds nice." his dad said, giving him a small smile "I hope you will enjoy, son."</p><p>“I plan to.” Yuzuru smiled back before swiftly redirecting the conversation to another topic.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Yuzuru's flight was at 4am, and he decided that there was really no point in going to sleep, he still needed time to get to the airport, and he liked to be there at least three hours earlier, just in case. He left all the packing for that last evening, because he figured out there was a plenty of time, and well- he was going to be in Spain for only eleven days. Even if he forgot something, he would be fine.</p><p>He packed some simply t-shirts, nothing crazy but made from cotton so it was perfect for travelling, shorts, jeans, perfectly normal and boring black swimming shorts. After a few moments of quiet inner debate he added also a thin waterproof jacket and a sweater, just in case, better safe than sorry. Pajamas, toothbrush, something to read and he was done.</p><p>After dealing with packing he went to the bathroom, took a long shower and dressed himself in comfortable clothes before standing in front of the mirror, examining his own reflection.</p><p>He generally looked younger than his passport was saying, but now, dressed in casual clothes, he could probably pass for a student, an overworked and sleep deprived one. But well, he could maybe fool the world but not himself, and the reality was that he was just another plain, lonely man in his thirties. </p><p>Yuzuru almost couldn’t believe he was actually flying all the way to Europe, just because he had had a weird hunch that it was something he was supposed to do. And maybe it was exactly what he needed. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>He arrived to the hotel in the middle of the day, tired and itchy, and after dealing with the check in and showering he dropped on the bed and fell asleep.</p><p>When he woke up a few hours later, his head was a little heavy, but in general he was feeling kind of rested. He sat up slowly and stretched his arms above his head, looking around the room properly.</p><p>It was a perfectly standard, clean hotel room, with a big bed, TV and mini fridge, and a nice if not very spacious bathroom. There was also a balcony and Yuzuru jumped out of the bed and went there, the sun- warmed floor pleasant under his feet.</p><p>He had pretty good view from up there, third floor giving him good perspective to check out the hotel and neighbourhood. The hotel wasn't exactly at the beach, but close enough, Yuzuru could see the golden-blue line between near buildings, maybe five, ten minutes walk away. He could see the streets, busy and colorful, and his ears filled with familiar buzz of traffic and some faint song, probably coming from the hotel pool.</p><p>It wasn't the worst place to spend a few days, Yuzuru decided, and then flinched when his stomach growled, reminding him that his last meal was a very dry piece of chicken he had had on the plane. He changed into a fresh t-shirt, it was a bit wrinkled but he didn't have energy to go on a quest to find an iron, and he didn't think anyone would mind.</p><p>He walked down to the hotel restaurant, a nice place that to Yuzuru's slight surprise wasn't too crowded. There were only a few tables occupied, mostly by elderly couples and families with small kids, everyone basking in the calm atmosphere of summer vacation.</p><p>"Hello!" a waitress with a pretty smile welcomed him, handing him the menu "Can I bring you something to drink?"</p><p>"Maybe glass of water, with ice?" Yuzuru asked, feeling a little embarrassed and boring, but she only nodded, smiling.</p><p>"Of course! But let me recommend you something from our drink menu, we have really nice choice of refreshments." she offered, tapping one of the pages and Yuzuru looked at it, skimming over the lines briefly and for some reason feeling a little awkward.</p><p>He decided on the first position on the list and she nodded again, leaving him to give him time to choose the dish, but instead of reading the menu he let his eyes wander around. He looked after the waitress who was now standing behind the bar, preparing something- probably his drink- and talking to some guy leaning over the counter next to her. Yuzuru couldn't see his face, but he was wearing red shorts and grey t-shirt, and Yuzuru figured that he worked at the hotel too. Him and the waitress seemed to be very friendly and young, and Yuzuru guessed they were probably students spending their summer on working.</p><p>Yuzuru came back to the menu and decided on some simple seafood salad and bread, not wanting to stuff himself too much. He sipped on his lemonade, tasty and cold, and absently followed the waitress again- he recalled her name tag had written Sonia on it. She came back behind the counter, starting with preparing another drink and still talking to the guy, who now was standing a bit sideways so Yuzuru could see his profile, nice jaw, tanned skin, nothing out of ordinary. Yuzuru didn't keep on staring, instead dropped his gaze to his phone and started typing a message he would later send to his mother and Saya. </p><p><br/>***</p><p> </p><p>At night he slept surprisingly well, as if jet lag wasn't a thing, and he woke up feeling well rested and in a good mood. After breakfast he went for a walk, obviously going to the beach first. It wasn't much crowded at that time, and Yuzuru smiled to himself, taking his shoes off and wandering slowly, water washing over his feet pleasantly. It was nice, and Yuzuru was slowly realizing that he needed that, getting away from his everyday life, and that weird moment in his office had been truly a moment of some kind of epiphany. </p><p>He checked the time on his phone and called his mom, chatting with her for a moment before going back to the hotel, stopping by in a small store to buy some fruit and a bottle of sunscreen, and after some thinking also a little guide around the city.</p><p>Back in his room, he grabbed everything he would need to spend a nice time at the pool, silently hoping that there wouldn't be many screaming kids there. He could accept a lot of things except of too much noise and children splashing water on him. </p><p>The outside pool was nice, nothing fancy but clean and good enough for some fun and relax. There were sunbeds and umbrellas, and even a little bar where a pretty blonde was serving cocktails to the pair of elderly German ladies. There was only one person in the water currently, a little boy who was having great fun while playing throw and catch with the lifeguard, who clearly had nothing better to do for now, sitting on a chair nearby the edge of the pool. Yuzuru's gaze lingered on him for a few seconds and he recognized in him the guy who had been talking with Sonia a day earlier. He was young, just like Yuzuru thought, probably in the first half of his twenties, handsome face and hair that curled a little around the ears and above his forehead. He turned his head into Yuzuru's direction, as if wanting to check out new people he had under his care, and Yuzuru looked down quickly, not wanting to be caught staring.</p><p>He spent some time reading, successfully blocking out most of the noises, just from time to time registering a louder splash of water or someone's laughter. It was a perfect vacation atmosphere, and Yuzuru let himself drown in it, and he only got out from his little bubble when he felt that he could really use something to drink.</p><p>"What can I do for you?" the blonde bartender asked after serving the German ladies another round of mojitos, and Yuzuru shrugged.</p><p>"I'm not really sure." Yuzuru admitted, smiling back at her. He wasn't really experienced with alcohol, he liked to have a beer from time to time, or a glass of sake after dinner with his parents. But now he was determined to keep his summer mood going and he decided that it was time to keep on trying new things and give his life some color.</p><p>"Hmm, let's see-" she hummed, tilting her head and eyeing him, as if trying to guess what would fit him best, but before she made her decision, someone else was quicker.</p><p>"He looks like a wine spritzer kind of guy."</p><p>The author of that statement turned out to be the young lifeguard, leaning against the counter a few steps away, smiling with a broad, easy smile.</p><p>"And what is that?" Yuzuru asked, feeling himself smiling back, and that seemed like a signal for the bartender to jump in again.</p><p>"Wine, soda, ice. Some fruit if you'd like? Pretty refreshing."</p><p>"Sounds nice." Yuzuru nodded and she nodded back, grabbing a glass.</p><p>"White or red?"</p><p>"White." Yuzuru decided before looking at the lifeguard again "So, I seem like a low alcohol kind of guy?" he asked, surprising himself a little. He wasn't usually first to talk to strangers, but the guy seemed nice enough for a little chat.</p><p>"It was a trick to make sure you don't have tequila shots and try to drown in the pool." the guy laughed shortly, reaching behind the counter and grabbing a bottle of water "Enjoy your drink!"</p><p>"Thanks." Yuzuru smiled, a bit surprised by the straightforward behaviour, but he actually didn't mind.</p><p>"Here you go!" the bartender- Carla, if her name tag was to be trusted- handed him his glass. Yuzuru thanked her and got back to his sunbed.</p><p>Now, he didn't come back to his book, but instead started observing what was going around, the area a bit more crowded now.</p><p>It didn't take him long to realize that he was probably the only one on solo vacations, and that thought made him feel a little bit odd. He didn't mind his loneliness, usually, but now he felt his summer mood fading away a little, so he took a big sip of his cocktail, finishing it in a few gulps before collecting his stuff and going back to his room, where he spent the rest of the day on eating fruits and mindlessly watching movie after movie. He was still glad he came, but he also couldn't help but feel a little off, and it annoyed him. First time in ages he decided to go somewhere, following some weird gut feeling, and there he was, sitting locked in his room. Ridiculous.</p><p>He went to sleep early, when the sky was in a pretty shade of deep blue, with a firm resolution to make the best out of those few days.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Spritzer again?" Carla asked when he stopped by the bar the next day, satisfied and a bit tired after a day of exploring.</p><p>"Please." he smiled.</p><p>It was a few minutes before 6pm and the pool area was more crowded now, as if people decided to gather around after the whole day on the beach or out in the city. Yuzuru felt a lot of sympathy towards people working there, it must have been a challenge to keep a bunch of tipsy people safe around water.</p><p>Speaking of people working there, Carla raised her head and glanced over his shoulder, her smile growing, and she nodded at someone standing behind Yuzuru. </p><p>"I see you like it, huh?"</p><p>"It's good." Yuzuru nodded, turning a little and seeing an already familiar smile "I see there are some busy hours ahead." he added, pointing the pool, and the guy smiled.</p><p>"Yeah. Good I just ended my shift so no resuscitation for me today." he chuckled before  turning to Carla and saying something in Spanish. She laughed and handed him a beer before going to take care of new customers.</p><p>Yuzuru was expecting the guy to go away, but instead he smiled at Yuzuru, looking at him openly.</p><p>"So, how do you enjoying your stay? You came from far?"</p><p>"Yes, from Japan." Yuzuru nodded "It's very nice in here."</p><p>"Cool." the lifeguard said and then nodded, as if to his own thoughts, and his smile turned even broader "I'm Javi. I guess we'll be seeing each other for a while so I figured it would be nice to, hmm, introduce myself. Hope you don't mind?" he added, and Yuzuru realized he must have been sporting some odd expression that made the guy- Javi- uncertain, so he smiled quickly and shook Javi's hand.</p><p>"Yuzuru. I promise and try not to drown."</p><p>Yuzuru had never experienced a member of staff closing the distance like that, but well, he was in Spain, on vacation, and Javi wasn't working anymore- there was no reason not to enjoy a conversation.</p><p>"So, why Spain?"</p><p>"Let's say it was… an impulse."</p><p>"An impulse called special offer, huh?" Javi laughed and suddenly Yuzuru realized that Javi was acting as if they were the same age, and it made him feel a little uneasy, as if he was cheating.</p><p>"Kind of." he smiled tightly "And you? You're from here or-?"</p><p>"Oh no, I'm from Madrid. But I've been coming here to work since I was eighteen, so a couple of years now."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah. Six years now."</p><p>So he was twenty four. Which meant Yuzuru was eight years older, wait, nine, his birthday was in December. Yuzuru wondered if Javi would be acting the same if he knew that, and the thought made him flinch.</p><p>Javi must have taken that moment of silence as a sign the conversation was over, because he finished his drink and put the bottle on the counter, the same friendly smile still on his face.</p><p>"I will see you around, Yuzuru. Enjoy your night!"</p><p>He walked away, and a part of Yuzuru's good mood seemed to be gone with him. Yuzuru finished his drink, put two euros into a tip jar and went back to his room.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Yuzuru spent most of the day on just wandering around, picking up some gifts and then having a really decent meal in a small, cosy restaurant ran by an elderly man who didn’t speak more than three words in English and who brought Yuzuru a cup of coffee so strong he almost started coughing.</p><p>The town was nice, obviously a popular tourist destination, but not as crowded as it could be. Yuzuru enjoyed it, walking around, looking at pretty buildings and parks and flowers and basking in the atmosphere of fun and even a bit of recklessness. And Yuzuru could feel it again, that warm summer breeze getting into his head again, telling him that he ought to have fun, relax, gave into any desire he wished.</p><p>He couldn’t stop himself from discreetly checking a few guys out, something he was a pro at by now. There were some blurry, not specific thoughts circling in his brain, that maybe he could take an advantage from being in a different country and it find someone to spend some nice time with. But for some reason, a thought about hooking up with strangers didn’t seem too tempting at the moment, even though it wasn’t like Yuzuru didn’t miss some physical connection. But also, he had learned to deal with it, and he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to sign up for all the effort of trying to pick someone up.</p><p>So he went back to the hotel, stopped by his room to change and eat the last bits of watermelon, and then got down to the pool. He really liked that place, and he decided to like it even more when Javi grinned at him from his chair, waving shortly before looking back at the water, now pretty crowded.</p><p>Yuzuru sat in his usual place, engaged into a short text conversation with Saya and looked up just in time to see two pretty young women pretending to be drowning, sending suggestive glances towards the lifeguard’s station.</p><p>“Ladies, if you keep on doing that I will have to ban you from entering the pool area, yes I can do that, actually!”</p><p>The girls pouted but stopped fooling around, although they didn’t give up flirty stares, and Yuzuru’s stomach clenched for some reason.</p><p>It was getting darker and the colorful lamps hanging around the pool were on now, throwing colors on everything, and Yuzuru marveled how nice Javi looked like bathed in violet and golden light, his expression focused. He was attractive and Yuzuru wasn’t going to deny that, he was just stating the fact half of the present people seemed to be sharing. There was no harm in watching, and Yuzuru didn’t even go as far as imagining something.</p><p>Despite the hour it was still hot, so he got up and asked Carla for something non- alcoholic and got some pretty tasty drink, although she went a little overboard with mint leaves. She smiled at him, but didn’t have time to chat, a lot of people coming up to order. Yuzuru didn't have time to get lonely, though, because a few minutes later he saw Javi leaving his stool and making his way closer with a wide grin on his lips.</p><p>"Hello, almost stranger." he chuckled "Betraying wine for water?"</p><p>"Not in the mood tonight."</p><p>"I-" Javi started and then flinched when some girl let out a long, high pitched squeal "Ah, the lovely hour is starting." he sighed before looking straight at Yuzuru "Want to get out of here?"</p><p>Yuzuru choked on his lemonade, his brain immediately screaming about a subtext, but Javi's expression was still only friendly and kind, and Yuzuru took a deep, discreet breath to calm his pulse down.</p><p>"Meaning?" he asked and Javi shrugged.</p><p>"I mean, it's not easy to escape this-" he made a wide hand gesture, as if trying to point the pool, the hotel and the whole touristic neighborhood "But a stroll on a beach is always nice?"</p><p>Yuzuru couldn't really argue with that statement either, so he finished his drink and put the glass down, sending Javi a smile.</p><p>"After you."</p><p>Yuzuru would normally think that it would be awkward, going for a walk with a stranger, but Javi was a great company, asking neutral, not- intrusive questions that didn't touch anything deep.</p><p>"Don't worry, I'm not leading you to some dark place to murder you." Javi announced as they walked and Yuzuru snorted quietly. </p><p>"That's a relief. So you just like going for walks with strangers?" </p><p>"I like to practice my English." </p><p>He had a nice voice Yuzuru liked listening to, slightly accented but pleasant, sometimes getting a bit high but not to an annoying level. </p><p>It wasn't really late enough for the town and beach to be deserted; there were pairs on romantic walks, groups of young people drinking wine, and even some runners, passing them by with unimpressed expressions.</p><p>"Japan's so far away." Javi hummed at some point, bare feet hitting the still warm sand "But I wish I could visit someday. I bet it's awesome there."</p><p>"It's nice. I guess it's all perspective and stuff, for me Spain seems so much more interesting than Japan now."</p><p>"Yeah." Javi chuckled before stopping suddenly, looking at Yuzuru with a playful glint in his eyes "So I take you like adventures, yes?"</p><p>There was something in his eyes that almost made Yuzuru feel kind of flustered, a flicker of challenge that was so characteristic for young and careless.</p><p>Javi watched him for a moment, and then smiled even wider, dropping his shoes to the ground.</p><p>"You know what sucks about being a lifeguard? You can't really jump into the water until someone is drowning, which we obviously don't want to happen." he said while discarding his clothes, until he was standing only in his underwear "You're joining?"</p><p>"I'm good." Yuzuru managed to say, stunned, and he wondered how the hell did he get there, watching Javi smirking at him and then running into the water, the sea dark and unwelcoming, even though Yuzuru knew the water was pretty warm.</p><p>It wasn't completely dark, the sky not black but in a deep shade of dark blue, and there was plenty of light coming from the near promenade, so Yuzuru could see Javi without a problem, his guts clenching for some reason. There was something almost childish in the way Javi was splattering around in the water, but there wasn't really anything childlike about his body, strong and with well defined muscles. Yuzuru winced and looked down at the pile of clothes at his feet and after a moment he picked them up, shaking a little to get rid of the sand.</p><p>"Oh, thank you!" Javi smiled when he got back a few moments later, wet hair plastered to his forehead "You're no a fan of sea swimming?"</p><p>"Maybe not at this hour." Yuzuru chuckled and Javi made a face, putting his shirt on, thin fabric immediately sticking to damp skin.</p><p>"It's the best hour, it's not too hot and you don't have to slalom in between people."</p><p>"Well, there's some truth to it."</p><p>They remained their walk, Javi still pantless, probably wanting his underwear to dry a bit more. It was surprisingly easy with him, and Yuzuru still wasn't sure why, but he didn't have much time to think about since Javi apparently couldn't stand silence for more than thirty seconds.</p><p>"So, what are you up to in life? If you don't mind telling me, of course! I'm trying to graduate from my university, the path is rocky but almost there!"</p><p>"Well, I work in a big company. Office work, nothing exciting." Yuzuru said, a part of him waiting for Javi to ask about his age, but nothing like that happened.</p><p>"Then I hope you will find plenty of excitement in here." Javi laughed before stopping to put his shorts on.</p><p>The walk back to the hotel was short and rather quiet, but not in an awkward way. Yuzuru couldn't stop himself from glancing at Javi from time to time, wondering why that young, fun guy was thinking Yuzuru was interesting enough to hang out with. As far as Yuzuru saw himself, he was a pretty plain guy who traveled half of the world to sit alone by the pool and having casual conversations with strangers.</p><p>Maybe Javi was just nice. That was probably it.</p><p>"Okay, I should go that way." Javi smiled, stopping in the shadow close to the hotel entrance and pointing a narrow trail going around the building "Staff's rooms are on the back."</p><p>"Okay." Yuzuru nodded, not really sure what else he could say at that "I, hm, thank you for the walk."</p><p>"The pleasure was mine." Javi said, grinning, a playful spark dancing in his eyes as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Yuzuru's cheek.</p><p>Yuzuru yelped, staring at Javi with wide eyes and feeling his face heating up. He had heard that the Spaniards were pretty affectionate but that was the last thing he would ever expect to happen.</p><p>Javi's smile turned even wider, and Yuzuru wondered if he could hear his heartbeat, that for some reason was pretty raging.</p><p>"That's how we say goodnight to the people we like." Javi said, and suddenly he was leaning forward again, slowly, before brushing his lips against Yuzuru's, chaste and brief.</p><p>"And that's how we say goodnight to the people we like a bit more." Javi said, taking a step back and smiling widely before walking away and leaving Yuzuru utterly stunned.</p><p>When a few minutes later Yuzuru was lying in his bed, his lips tingling and stomach fluttering, he realized the obvious truth.</p><p>Javi was interested in him, for some unknown reason, and Yuzuru would lie if he said that it wasn't a pleasant thought. Yes, it was surprising, but also thrilling, because Yuzuru couldn't deny that he was attracted to Javi too. How could he not be? Yuzuru was only human, and he couldn’t even remember when was the last time he had got physically close with someone.</p><p>And right now he was feeling his muscles tensing, little hot sparks filling his chest and stomach; so closed his eyes, slid his pants down and touched himself to the image of water running down Javi's tanned body and memory of his chapped lips against Yuzuru's.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Yuzuru couldn't decide what to do.</p><p>He spent the biggest part of the morning on sitting in his bed with tv playing in the background, but he didn't really care about Spanish breakfast shows. There were two voices inside of him, one telling him to go and smile at Javi, while the other one was a bit more reserved. Flirting was fun, even though Yuzuru wasn't much experienced with it, but he wasn't sure if he should go for it.</p><p>Despite his age, Yuzuru didn't really have much experience. He had been only in one kind of serious relationship, with a girl, when he was still figuring out who he was and what he wanted, fooling himself with hope that maybe things would change, that maybe he would change. But then he got drunk during one of countless dorm parties and ended up in bed with a hot exchange student from Norway, and since that night he decided to be honest with himself and others.</p><p>It didn't mean it was easy. It was hard, and lonely, and Yuzuru came to terms with knowing that he would spend the rest of his life alone. He never really wanted to fall in love, and he wasn't looking for serious relationships- he wasn't sure if he would be able to do it, to put himself out there for the world to judge, to put his family in that situation.</p><p>Yuzuru didn't date, and he didn't flirt. He didn't sleep around too much, but when he did, it was usually some plain, anonymous hook up. So now, sitting in his bed and thinking about Javi's sunny smile, Yuzuru felt a thrill of excitement running up and down his spine. </p><p>Ah, what the hell did he have to lose</p><p>When he finally crawled out of the bed and made himself look decent, it was close to the lunchtime and his stomach churned, demanding attention, so he decided to take care of that first.</p><p>The restaurant wasn't too crowded that time either, and Sonia welcomed him with a bright smile the moment he walked in. He ordered iced tea and some fish, and he was just complementing writing Saya, when he saw a familiar silhouette entering through the door leading to the pool.</p><p>Javi didn't seem to notice him at first, walking to the counter and chatting with Sonia, and that gave Yuzuru opportunity to look at him. He was really, really attractive, and Yuzuru felt a little swirl of arousal coiling in his stomach. He watched how Javi talked with Sonia, laughing quietly, and then he turned around to walk way, but he noticed Yuzuru and stopped, smiling. He spoke to Sonia again, just a few seconds, before grabbing a drink she prepared and slowly walking towards Yuzuru and putting it down.</p><p>"Didn't know you were a waiter too." Yuzuru said, really proud of the fun and light tone of his voice.</p><p>"A guy gotta pay his bills." Javi chuckled and then his smile turned almost secretive, and Yuzuru's thoughts immediately went back to the night before, Javi's lips against his cheek and mouth.</p><p>"By the way, if you plan to visit the pool today, there is a theme party tonight. At 7?"</p><p>"A theme party?" Yuzuru asked, mildly intrigued, and Javi shrugged.</p><p>"It just means there will be music from the 70's and 80's playing, basically."</p><p>"Thanks for the warning."</p><p>"Well, I'm not warning you, actually." Javi said, taking a small step closer, and suddenly he was right in Yuzuru's space, close and smiling "My shift overlaps only with the first hour of this fun and I figured I'd like to meet you at the bar after. If you'd like." he announced before taking a step back and wishing him a good meal, leaving Yuzuru in slight awe and with even stronger churning inside him, as if his body couldn't wait already.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>He spent some time talking about it, first strolling down the promenade and then back in his room, going through the suitcase and trying to decide what to wear. Yuzuru felt like a teenager, excited and a little bit giddy, and absolutely honest with himself. He was ready to let himself crawl out of that shell he was so used to hide in, and just see what was going to happen. Maybe there was nothing special waiting for him, maybe just a bit more of harmless flirting, but what the hell, he hadn't traveled to the other side of the world to be exactly the same as he was in Japan.</p><p>Just like he had been expecting, most of the people gathered on the party were people in their forties and fifties, sunburnt and swaying happily to the sounds of disco with colorful drinks in their hands. There were also younger people, loud and huddled in groups, but Yuzuru didn't pay too much attention to them, his gaze immediately searching the area to find Javi. He was easy to notice, sitting with two other guys dressed in the same way. Yuzuru let himself stare for a moment before slowly walking towards the busy bar where now two people were serving, Carla and some skinny guy with a very impressive afro.</p><p>"Hello hello!" Carla smiled brightly "How you're enjoying the party?"</p><p>"Just arrived, we'll see how it goes." he shrugged and she nodded.</p><p>"What can I do for you tonight?"</p><p>"I guess I'll just go with beer." he decided and Carla smiled, winking.</p><p>"I'll get you the coldest one."</p><p>The cold liquid tasted good on his a bit dry tongue, and he stepped aside, moving to lean against one of potted palm trees standing nearby. He took his time looking around, eyes coming to check on Javi from time to time, but he was occupied with watching over a very loud and very tipsy group of young Americans who seemed to be in a risk of drowning.</p><p>There was an aura of happiness and carelessness, of freedom and fun, mixing in the air with the scent of salt, chlorine and something sweet, like a pineapple syrup. And Yuzuru didn’t  feel too lonely, even though he's standing alone, with half of beer in his hand, a single Japanese man in a middle of a hot European country.</p><p>He let his thoughts wander here and there, until he noticed Javi leaving his station, and Yuzuru broke out of his little haze, walking back to the counter and earning himself an amused glance from Carla. </p><p>"Another one?" </p><p>"Please." </p><p>"For me too." said a familiar voice close to Yuzuru's right ear. </p><p>Javi had changed his clothes, apparently, now wearing khaki shorts and a white button up that Yuzuru quickly identified as linen. He looked fresh, young and attractive, smiling at Yuzuru as he took a sip from his bottle. </p><p>"It's nice to see you, Yuzuru. Charm of the 80's was too tempting?" </p><p>"Something like that." Yuzuru answered, biting his tongue not to say that first, he had been born in the 80's and second, it was Javi who was too tempting. But he didn't want to make a fool out of himself, so he smiled back and looked down at the bottle in his hands, fingers playing with the label, damp and coming off easily. He wasn't good at it, especially now, when he knew that Javi was somehow interested, but for some reason Yuzuru was feeling nervous, like a teenager with a new crush.</p><p>"You know what they say about people who do that?" Javi asked, touching the bottle in Yuzuru's hands.</p><p>"What?" Yuzuru asked, looking up, but Javi didn't answer, looking at Yuzuru with a smile that seemed even closer now.</p><p>Instead of saying anything, he took Yuzuru's hands, caressing his palm before wrapping his fingers around his wrist.</p><p>"I need you to know that I like you." Javi said lowly, thumb pressing over Yuzuru's pulse point "But if you don't feel comfortable just tell me, I don't want to bother you if you find it unpleasant."</p><p>His expression was honest and mature, and Yuzuru shivered, his whole body tensing with a need he hadn't felt in a long time. And he wanted, he wanted so much in that moment, so he leaned forward a little, just to show Javi that he wasn't going anywhere.</p><p>"So what does it mean?" he asked and Javi chuckled, shaking his head, and Yuzuru only now noticed how long his eyelashes were, and how pretty they looked around his dark eyes.</p><p>"Well, some say that if you peel off a label of a bottle, it means you're sexually frustrated." Javi murmured, thumb pressing a little harder, and Yuzuru closed his eyes for a second, his heart skipping a beat.</p><p>"I guess there are some ways to fix it, right?"</p><p>He tried his best to sound playful and maybe a little bit sexy, and it clearly worked, because Javi take the bottle out of his hands, finished the beer in two long sips and wordlessly took Yuzuru's hand, leading him out of there.</p><p>When they stepped into an elevator Yuzuru felt so tense he wondered if a muscle could break like that, from being on that high level of tension. But then the door closed, and Javi tugged at his hand lightly, and just light that it didn't matter, because suddenly Yuzuru was on his tippy toes, with one of his hands clinging to Javi's shoulder and another one tangled in his hair, kissing like there was no tomorrow.</p><p>It was hot and uncoordinated, Javi's lips chapped and tasting of beer and salt, and Yuzuru loved every second of it until the elevator stopped and the pulled apart, eyes wide open a mouth parted, gasping for air.</p><p>The moment the door of Yuzuru's room closed behind them, they were both at it again, lips clashing messily, hands tugging at clothes, hungry and greedy. Javi had Yuzuru pressed against the door in no time, hands on his hips and mouth moving to kiss his neck. Yuzuru gasped, throwing his head back, and Javi was clearly pleased with the better access because he kept on his ministrations, sucking and licking, and Yuzuru felt his knees turning into jelly.</p><p>He hadn't been that turned on in ages, but he couldn't really recall the last time someone kissed him like that, with pure want and no hesitation.</p><p>"I, I-" he gasped, but the rest of the sentence died when Javi kissed him on the mouth again, deep and messy, and Yuzuru moaned, his hips bucking against Javi's, sending harsh sparks of pleasure through his entire body.</p><p>"Oh." he whimpered and Javi chuckled lowly, nipping on Yuzuru's bottom lip before pulling away and taking Yuzuru's hand.</p><p>Thirty seconds later Yuzuru was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching in awe and with a pounding heart how Javi was pulling his shorts and underwear down.</p><p>"Are you-" Yuzuru stuttered and Javi looked up at him, all smiles and sparks in his eyes.</p><p>"You're okay with this?" he asked, rubbing Yuzuru's thigh, and Yuzuru only nodded dumbly, reaching to touch Javi's cheek, as if to make sure that he was real, that it was really happening.</p><p>Javi laughed and took Yuzuru's hand, kissing it before placing it on the top of his head and leaning in between Yuzuru's legs.</p><p>Yuzuru lost sense of time and space, and the only thing his hazy brain was aware of was slick warmth around his member and fingers digging into his hips, the only thing grounding him to reality.</p><p>When he came, it felt so good it was painful, his whole body tensing almost unbearably tight before the tame broke and every muscle and nerve ending screamed in blissful agony as he fell on his back, breathless and spent.</p><p>Everything was muffled and blurred, but he was aware of Javi's quiet laughter and how he moved Yuzuru to lie on the bed properly, without his legs hanging off the edge. There was some shuffling and rustling of the fabric, and when Yuzuru was able to focus his eyesight again, he saw Javi looming over him, now shirtless and smiling as always.</p><p>"Oh my god." Yuzuru gasped, his voice hoarse, and Javi cocked his head a little, amused.</p><p>"You forgot my name already?"</p><p>It wasn't the most original joke, but Yuzuru laughed anyway, happy and relaxed, and he reached for Javi's hand, tugging him closer.</p><p>"I knew you were greedy." Javi teased, crawling on top of Yuzuru and dropping a few kissed to his chest before looking up at Yuzuru, his expression softening. There was a moment when their eyes locked, and Yuzuru's heart fluttered with feeling of incredible fondness. He reached to brush Javi's curls from his forehead, fingers lingering, and Javi exhaled deeply, content.</p><p>And just like that they were kissing again, Yuzuru sinking into the mattress, Javi's body warm and solid, and Yuzuru's head was spinning, thoughts disappearing in a warm fog of pleasure, but then he felt Javi's knee pressing in between his thighs and he gasped, opening his eyes and pushing at Javi's shoulders.</p><p>"Hmmm? Something wrong?" Javi asked, drawing back a little, concerned but still smiling. Yuzuru wetted his lips, wondering how to say it, and then he decided to give up fancy words and hope for the best.</p><p>"I'm thirty two."</p><p>"Huh." Javi said, tilting his head, smile getting wider "I was guessing thirty five."</p><p>"What?" Yuzuru gaped, surprised, and Javi shrugged, sweeping his thumb along Yuzuru's jaw.</p><p>"I knew that you were older than you look like. There is, hmm, that…"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Something in your eyes. I don't know, I could just tell. And in the way you’re… carrying yourself. You give out that mature vibe."</p><p>"Oh." Yuzuru mumbled, feeling a bit awkward, and he had to look away from Javi's honest, young face. He felt exposed, suddenly, but before he had a chance to dwell over it, Javi gently forced him to look at him again.</p><p>"Hey." he said warmly, eyes sparkling with sympathy "You're young and awesome, and if you're okay with it, I'd like to make out with you some more."</p><p>At that, Yuzuru had to laugh.</p><p>He had his doubts and issues, but damn, he was indeed still young, and Javi was hot and fun and eager, and Yuzuru deserved to live a little.</p><p>They went back to making out, open mouthed and sloppy and hot, and Yuzuru got lost in that, in the endless kissing and roaming of their hands, until Javi sat back, panting a little and reaching to his back pocket and showing Yuzuru a little silver packet.</p><p>"I'm good with just making out, but so you know, there's an option." he announced with a smug grin, and Yuzuru gasped loudly, his blood rushing and buzzing.</p><p>"I-" he swallowed hard, reaching to squeeze Javi's fingers, hard foul digging into his skin "I haven't done that in a long time."</p><p>"It's okay." Javi smiled, leaning to kiss the corner of Yuzuru's mouth "I will take care of you."</p><p>It felt almost like a religious experience, and Yuzuru's eyes burned with tears at how good it was, that hot tightness around him, fingers digging into his thighs, quick, shallow gasps filling his ears.</p><p>He didn't last long, and he would have been embarrassed if he wasn't feeling so good. With his half lidded eyes, he watched Javi smiling with satisfaction before reaching down to stroke himself, quick and hard until he was gasping with pleasure, muscles tensing around Yuzuru's sensitive, soft member.</p><p>"Oh." Yuzuru moaned quietly and Javi chuckled, sliding off of his lap and flopping down next to him, smiling and sweaty.</p><p>When was the last time he had experienced something like that? A moment of intimacy that wasn't some awkward groping in a corner of some club or a quick hook up in some non-descriptive hotel room? It was always weird, brief satisfaction that would quickly fade away in an atmosphere of awkwardness and shame as they cleaned up and left without looking each other in the eyes.</p><p>But now, Yuzuru was finally getting the true meaning of 'basking in the afterglow' as he rested next to Javi, comfortable and satisfied, without an ounce of guilt.</p><p>"So, how's the jury's verdict?" Javi asked brightly before rolling closer and pressing a wet, loud kiss to Yuzuru's cheek, making him laugh.</p><p>“Awesome. That’s the verdict, yes.”</p><p>“Good.” Javi chuckled, moving closer again, now pressing his lips to Yuzuru’s neck “Mhh, can I grab some towel to clean myself up?”</p><p>“Sure. You can take a shower if you want?”</p><p>“Nah, I will do that at my place. But thank you for offering.” Javi said, smiling brightly before patting Yuzuru’s hip and getting out of the bed. Yuzuru kept on staring at his ass until he disappeared in the bathroom, and then he flopped back on the bed, exhaling slowly.</p><p>He just had the best sex of his life, he was feeling great and everything was easy and simple and warm. He felt satisfied, a little bit tired and at the same time younger for a decade. He had never really imagined that it could be so comfortable between two people, but there he was.</p><p>Javi came back a few minutes later and started putting his clothes on, and Yuzuru was about to ask him to stay when he said there was going to be water changing at the pool at 6am and he needed to get his beauty sleep to wake up that early.</p><p>“Okay. Then I-” Yuzuru hesitated and Javi chuckled, moving closer and taking his face in his his hands.</p><p>“Dinner tomorrow?” he asked and Yuzuru nodded immediately “Great!” Javi exclaimed, leaning to leave one more scorching kiss on Yuzuru’s lips “You know where to find me. Can't wait to see you already."</p><p>After Javi left, Yuzuru remained unmoved for a few minutes, looking at the ceiling and smiling like an idiot. Now, with his blood pressure back to normal and not pounding in his ears, he could hear a muffled sound of the party coming in, not loud enough to bother him but a reminder that the summer night wasn't over yet.</p><p>He got up, wrapped a sheet around his hips and stepped on the balcony, light breeze pleasant against his skin.</p><p>The summer wasn't over, and neither was his life, and he was going to make the best out of his time here.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>They met in the early afternoon, and after quick change of clothes Javi led Yuzuru through a narrow streets and into a small restaurant with a lovely garden they sat in, and Yuzuru realized that it felt like a date, and he gasped, making Javi look at him curiously.</p><p>"Is it a date?" Yuzuru blurted out and immediately felt himself blushing, a bit embarrassed, and he felt like he needed to explain "Sorry, I've never been on a, hmm, date with a man before."</p><p>Javi nodded slowly, his smile gentle, and he reached to squeeze Yuzuru's hand.</p><p>"It indeed is, and as a good date, I will now explain to you all the Spanish dishes you might be confused about."</p><p>Yuzuru appreciated that so much, the way Javi tried to get him relaxed, and for the next few minutes he carefully listened to Javi's eager and in some moments messy explanation. In the end he decided to just trust Javi with picking what to eat and then they smiled at each other, with cold glasses in their hands.</p><p>"So, you don't date men, in general?" Javi asked and Yuzuru sighed. He had been expecting that question, and it was fair of Javi to ask.</p><p>"Well, I'm gay." he said,noticing that it was the first time he said it out loud in English, and it felt a little funny on his tongue "But I don't go on dates. So, sorry if I'm going to be a bit awkward."</p><p>"You're doing perfect."Javi smiled, and Yuzuru felt a sudden urge to say more.</p><p>"It's not, hmm... not easy, back home? And I don't want to bring burden to my parents."</p><p>He never really talked with anyone about that, about his feelings, how his life was looking like. But with Javi, his easy smile and warm eyes, Yuzuru felt like he could be honest, for real.</p><p>"I see." Javi hummed, caressing Yuzuru's knuckles "I'm sorry."</p><p>"It's okay."</p><p>"I'd say it's lonely."</p><p>Yuzuru gasped, his heart skipping a beat, and he only stared in awe at that young, kind guy smiling at him as if he understood everything perfectly. And maybe he did.</p><p>"What about you?" Yuzuru asked quickly, not wanting to drown in too much nostalgia.</p><p>"Hmm, let's say that I'm just a people's person." Javi said with a sly grin and Yuzuru felt himself wanting to join the playful tone.</p><p>"I bet I'm not the first you picked up by the pool."</p><p>"Well, I'm not going to lie." Javi laughed shortly "But from all of them, you're definitely the most attractive one."</p><p>That was Yuzuru's time to laugh, but he didn't even have a chance to do so, because suddenly Javi was leaning closer, capturing Yuzuru's lips in a short, sweet kiss that made his blood buzz.</p><p>"You won't get in trouble for this?" he murmured against Javi's mouth, and Javi shook his head slightly.</p><p>"As long as we don't make out during my working hours, it's all fine."</p><p>They kept on trading little kisses until the waitress came with their dishes, smiling at them knowingly, and Yuzuru blushed a little, feeling something warm and tingling filling his chest. He had never kissed anyone in public and there was a special feel to it, a buzz of excitement, a bit of carelessness. It was easy, being with Javi, eating and talking and laughing, not touching any heavy topics, but exchanging some random, fun facts. That was how Yuzuru learned that Javi loved cats so much he was ignoring his allergy for them, and that he still lived with his parents but was working on slowly change that. He obviously was in a different stage of life than Yuzuru, still figuring things out, but Yuzuru didn't really think like there was that much distance between them.</p><p>And then, after hours of talking, Javi looked at Yuzuru with a special glint in his eyes, standing up and reaching to take Yuzuru's hand.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, oh fuck." Yuzuru gasped, pressing his forehead to the mattress, air leaving his mouth in short, desperate wheezes "That's good, that's, ah-"</p><p>Javi laughed shorty, quiet and a bit breathless, rubbing at the small of Yuzuru's back and keeping the steady pace, smooth and unrushed and driving Yuzuru crazy.</p><p>Javi knew what he was doing, and he had a great stamina that, and that combined helped him take Yuzuru to the places he had no idea existed. He had never known it was possible to feel such pleasure, to balance on the edge for so long, but there he was, shaking and gasping, barely aware of anything except him and Javi, slowly reaching their highest pleasure.</p><p>Javi hummed quietly, wrapping his arm around Yuzuru's middle and pulling him up against his chest, rocking slowly as he slid his hand up Yuzuru's body, to his throat, and then grabbing his chin and guiding their lips to meet.</p><p>It was hot and slick and it was so much Yuzuru couldn't even make a sound when he came, body shuddering and air leaving his mouth, and he could have sworn he blacked out for a moment, because the next time he was back to his sense, he was lying on his back, Javi curled by his side and dropping soothing kisses to his shoulder.</p><p>"Shit." Yuzuru exhaled, shaky and breathless, and Javi hummed happily, shifting closer and putting his head on Yuzuru's chest.</p><p>"Not calling for higher force today?" he asked, teasing, and Yuzuru laughed, carding through Javi's soft hair.</p><p>"I'm speechless."</p><p>"Mhh." Javi sighed contentedly, sliding his hand down to caress sensitive skin of Yuzuru's inner thigh, making him gasp softly.</p><p>For a moment they didn't say anything, basking in the warmth and intimacy, and once again Yuzuru was amazed at how simple and comfortable it was, without making some great deal about it.</p><p>"Will you stay?" he asked without much thinking, tugging at one of Javi's curls.</p><p>"Are you kidding me?" Javi chuckled, and for a second Yuzuru didn't understand, but then Javi propped himself on his elbow to look at him properly, his smile wide and sly.</p><p>"I'm so not done with you." he said lowly, his thumb running along Yuzuru's bottom lip before leaning down for a kiss.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The days had a certain rhythm now.</p><p>Yuzuru spent mornings and some part of afternoon on wandering on the beach or sightseeing, sitting in a pleasant shadow with a book. And then, after Javi's shift, they would go for some food together and then back to Yuzuru's room.</p><p>They did things Yuzuru had never ever imagined, but that always left him trembling and whimpering, writhing in pleasure. He knew it wasn't only him, because Javi clearly enjoyed it as much as him, his handsome face slack with pleasure, body moving beautifully against Yuzuru's.</p><p>Sex was great and satisfying, and it was fun, during and after, when they would sit in bed, talking, laughing, having a glass of something to drink. And just nor they were sitting with cups filled with white wine that was a bit too dry for Yuzuru's taste, but at least pleasantly cold, and they were deep in some odd 'what if' game.</p><p>"Okay, what would you choose- invisibility or, hmm, breathing under water?"</p><p>It was a childish game Yuzuru hadn't played since high school, but Javi was into it and to be honest, Yuzuru was too. It was refreshing, because most of his colleagues and friends was the most eager to talk about work and kinds and politics. And there was Javi, bright and smiling, waiting with anticipation for Yuzuru's answer.</p><p>"Invisibility."</p><p>"Ha, so you could creep on men in the showers!"</p><p>"Why would I want to watch other guys when I have you?" Yuzuru grinned, sneaking his hand under the sheet and stroking Javi teasingly "If you could be an animal, what would it be? And you can't say cat."</p><p>"So mean." Javi pouted, but his expression was pleased, clearly enjoying Yuzuru's ministrations "A tiger."</p><p>"Of course." Yuzuru laughed, putting his glass down and urging Javi to do the same so they could kiss properly, with hands moving down the familiar planes of their bodies.</p><p>"Mhh, okay." Javi murmured, pressing Yuzuru against the headboard and kissing his jaw "If you didn't live in Japan, where would you like to settle down?"</p><p>"Hmm, I never thought about it." Yuzuru hummed absently and Javi drew back, looking at him with raised eyebrows.</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Really." Yuzuru nodded, a bit baffled by Javi's surprised expression "What?"</p><p>"I just thought-" Javi bit his tongue, shaking his head, and Yuzuru narrowed his eyes, realizing what it was all about. </p><p>"It's not like I'm oppressed or something, you know."</p><p>"I know, I know." Javi said quickly, sitting back on his heels, looking a bit sheepish "I know, it's just-"</p><p>"It's just what?" Yuzuru pressed, not really liking the sudden turn in the conversation. He didn't want to talk about serious things, he didn't want to think about future, waiting for him in just a few days.</p><p>"I'm really not into psychoanalysis, Javi." he said tiredly and Javi shook his head, looking at Yuzuru with big eyes full of care and light, and there was something painfully naive in his expression, something making Yuzuru's heart ache.</p><p>"It's not about that, Yuzu." Javi said, reaching to carefully cup Yuzuru's cheek "You... you're so lovely, you know? You're smart and fun and handsome, but you're... you're refusing to acknowledge that we need other people to be happy, sometimes. So you tell yourself you're okay with being lonely but-"</p><p>Yuzuru reached out and pressed his hand against Javi's lips, silencing him.</p><p>It turned out that Javi was seeing more than Yuzuru was hoping him to show, and he didn't know what to do about that, about Javi and his own life that was in fact much more complicated that he liked to pretend.</p><p>"You're the most wonderful." he said quietly "But these are topics I don't want you to worry about. I'm doing just fine, okay?"</p><p>Javi nodded slowly, still not looking convinced, and Yuzuru swallowed hard before wetting his lips.</p><p>"Life's not the easiest, sometimes, but this, here, with you... it makes me very happy. You're making me very happy, and I don't want to think too much. Okay?"</p><p>Javi nodded again, sighing quietly, his breath warm against Yuzuru's fingers.</p><p>"I'm sorry." he said quietly "I didn't want to upset you."</p><p>"You didn't." Yuzuru said honestly before admitting "It's just that I don't want you to think about it. I don't want to think about it."</p><p>Javi smiled, small and sweet, before leaning forward and hiding his face in the crook of Yuzuru neck, inhaling deeply.</p><p>Yuzuru wasn't mad, or even sad. They were talking a lot those days, they talked all the time, but since that first dinner they didn't really touch a topic as deep as that one. And Yuzuru didn't want to mess up that perfectly nice relationship they had, easy and bright, based on physical attraction and need for some summer fun. So now he just cradled Javi's head closer, feeling his warm, comforting scent, and deciding that he still could make the best out of the few next days.</p><p>"I always wanted to go to Canada." he murmured against Javi’s temple, and Javi laughed, pressing a kiss to Yuzuru’s neck.</p><p>“That sounds nice.” he said, and then “You sure you’re not mad?”</p><p>“I'm sure. But well, you need to answer one question.” Yuzuru announced, deciding that they were done with heavy stuff, and Javi pulled back to look at him, a little anxious but smiling.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>"Top or bottom?"</p><p>Javi snorted, his shoulders dropping and relaxing, forehead smoothing so in a moment there was no worried lines.</p><p>"With you, I will have it in every way." he said before surging in for a kiss.</p><p>Some things could still be easy.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>It was always so surprising, and yet somehow so expected, how fast vacation would pass. Suddenly Yuzuru was looking at his phone, his throat clenched weirdly as he was slowly realizing that everything was bound to come to an end, in less than forty- eight hours. </p><p>He pinched the bridge of his nose, staring at the bright screen of his phone, at his boarding pass, rereading date and hour all over again, as if hoping it would magically change, somehow. But it was still there, of course, and there was no point in pretending that his vacation was coming to an end. </p><p>"You're a bit moody today." Javi noticed some time later during dinner, looking at Yuzuru curiously from across the table "Everything's okay?" </p><p>"Yeah, just- remembering my flight is a day after tomorrow." </p><p>Javi's lips curled up in a small smile, telling Yuzuru that he remembered that too. And suddenly Yuzuru felt a little bit awkward, wondering what was the protocol now. What people were supposed to do when summer romance was coming to an end?</p><p>"Well, it calls for a long walk on the beach tonight then." Javi announced, clearly sensing Yuzuru's hesitation and gently taking the  lead "And I'm talking like, a five kilometers one, so you better gather some energy now." </p><p>Yuzuru snorted, and shook his head, smiling. </p><p>"You're impossible." </p><p>"Oh, we both know it."</p><p> </p><p>"Maybe I should buy some of these." Yuzuru wondered out loud, stopping by a little souvenir shop and looking at the postcards presented on a rack standing on the pavement alongside with baskets filled with key chains and ashtrays "I'm not really into taking pictures but I can bet my family would love to see something."</p><p>"Sure! These are pretty." Javi nodded before starting a conversation with the business owner, a smiling woman with dark hair and deep, vibrant laughter. </p><p>It was late afternoon, and streets and buildings were bathed in bright golden light, warm and almost blinding. Yuzuru skimmed through the dozens of postcards before picking ten and handing them to the lady who smiled at him even brighter and gave him two euro discount, telling Javi something in Spanish and making him laugh.</p><p>“What was that about?” Yuzuru asked when they walked away, and Javi shrugged nonchalantly, sending Yuzuru a smug smile.</p><p>“Just some joking.”</p><p>“Oh come on.” Yuzuru scoffed and Javi chuckled, stopping and taking Yuzuru’s hand.</p><p>“I have something for you.” he announced, as if it was explaining everything, and he took something out of his pocket “Here.”</p><p>Yuzuru watched with amazement how Javi took a simple bracelet and put it on Yuzuru’s wrist before entwining their fingers together. </p><p>“Just so you don’t forget me too quickly.” Javi said, voice light and eyes full of fondness, and Yuzuru just had to kiss him, one hand on Javi’s cheek to keep him close. </p><p>It was just a simple thing, made from little wooden beads in various shades of brown and yellow, something Yuzuru had worn when he was in high school and didn’t really want to wear again. But it was such a touching gesture, and Yuzuru knew that in a few days that little thing would be the only thing connecting him to this place, and to Javi. </p><p>“Thank you.” he whispered against Javi’s lips “I love it.”</p><p>“Mhh, you’re probably lying but too polite to admit it. But, you’re welcome.” Javi joked, kissing the corner of Yuzuru’s mouth “Now let’s go, the kilometers won’t walk by themselves!”</p><p>Javi hadn’t been joking about that five kilometers, apparently, and Yuzuru loved it. He was always fond of walking, and walking like that, holding Javi’s hand and letting the waves wash over their feet as the sun was making its way down, it felt like some little slice of perfection. </p><p>The got a bit further away from the centre, and soon there was barely any people around, the late hour also working in their favour. The sound of the town and road was a bit muffled, drowning in the gentle whisper of the sea. </p><p>“It’s beautiful in here.” Yuzuru said and Javi nodded, squeezing his fingers.</p><p>“Spain is awesome. There is so much to see.” Javi hesitated for a second “You should totally come back one day.”</p><p>“Maybe.” </p><p>It felt too much like a dream, and dangerously close to a promise Yuzuru didn’t want to make and Javi didn’t want to hear. But it was so easy, to get lost in the warm summer feeling of happiness and intimacy, it was easy to imagine- but Yuzuru didn’t want that. He wanted a little bit more of light and easy, and he wanted a few more hours of making good memories. </p><p>“Javi?” </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I think it’s time for me to try that late evening sea swimming.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>They took it slow, on the last day. </p><p>They ate dinner in a small, cosy restaurant, and Yuzuru couldn’t stop glancing at Javi every few seconds, as if making sure he would remember him perfectly. Javi must have noticed, but he didn’t comment on that, his usual kind smile dancing on his lips. After finishing their they ordered wine- white, because Javi insisted that it was better option during hot days- and for a moment just sat there in silence, smiling, both knowing they they reached a certain point now, and there were things they couldn’t keep on postponing anymore. </p><p>“Why did you chose me?”</p><p>It wasn’t exactly what Yuzuru wanted to ask and it turned out weird, he knew that, and he felt a little embarrassed when Javi looked at him, eyebrows raised.</p><p>“You know that sounds as if I was looking at the list if guests and wondering who shall I seduce…”</p><p>“Sorry, I didn’t mean that like-”</p><p>“I know, I know.” Javi chuckled “I saw you by the pool, reading that very huge book, and I thought- interesting. So then I decided to come closer and check you out, and well. You’re hot. And intriguing. So I went for it and you didn’t have anything against it.” Javi explained, winking, and Yuzuru kicked him playfully under the table before sighing quietly.</p><p>“I wasn’t planning that, you know?” he said after a moment of silence “I didn’t come here with a thought that I would, hmm, have that kind of fun.” he chuckled “And at first I was a bit confused by your behaviour, I had no idea what the hell were you doing.”</p><p>“You’re insulting my flirting skills!”</p><p>“No, it’s just me, old and unexperienced.” Yuzuru laughed and Javi made a face at him. </p><p>“You’re not old.”</p><p>“Still older than you.”</p><p>“As if we cared at any point.”</p><p>“True.” Yuzuru laughed and then he couldn’t stop himself from leaning closer and stealing a brief, chaste kiss, still feeling that light thrill of excitement at the public display of affection. </p><p>"For someone who likes planning so much, you do plenty unplanned things."</p><p>"I know." Yuzuru sighed "I'm still surprised myself."</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>"You need to wake up very early, right?" Javi murmured against Yuzuru's neck, hand drawing circles on Yuzuru's  stomach, soothing still trembling muscles. </p><p>"I need to leave a bit before 6, just to be  sure. So I guess around 5."</p><p>"Terrible." Javi murmured sleepily and then propped himself on his elbows, nudging Yuzuru's cheek with his nose "Hello."</p><p>"Hi." Yuzuru smiled, putting his hand on Javi's nape and playing with the short hair there "You want to stay?" </p><p>"You don't want to see me waking up at 5 in the morning." Javi laughed "I'm terribly grumpy and ready for murder, and very, very unsexy. That's not a state for saying a proper goodbye."</p><p>Yuzuru was a bit disappointed, but deep inside he knew he would like it better that way too. So he nodded and smiled, and pulled Javi down for a kiss, soft and lingering and never-ending. </p><p>Things were always clear between them, and it was no exception, and it didn’t feel like goodbye, like the last time, and Yuzuru was glad. He didn’t want complicated, not at the end of something what was so beautiful and light and easy. </p><p>So they just kept on kissing, fingers brushing against each other’s faces and necks gently, as if letting their fingertips remember the familiar curves, just to be sure. And then, after an eternity and a few seconds, Javi yawned against Yuzuru’s mouth, making him giggle and causing his heart to flutter with fondness.</p><p>“You sure?” he asked teasingly and Javi rolled his eyes, a bit sheepish, kissing Yuzuru’s jaw before sitting back, stretching his arms over his head a little.</p><p>“Mh-hm. But I would use your shower.”</p><p>“Go for it.”</p><p>A moment later Yuzuru heard a distant sound of running water and Javi’s quiet humming in Spanish, and he smiled to himself, pleased and relaxed. He sat up properly, leaning against the headboard and reaching for his phone and once again checking his flight and how to get to the airport. He finished just in time for Javi to emerge from the bathroom, dressed in his soft and now pretty wrinkled clothes, damp hair curling playfully. He grinned, making his way closer and sitting on the edge of the bed, close and smelling of the hotel’s lavender shampoo.</p><p>“So.” he hummed, reaching to take Yuzuru’s hands “We’re not going to drag this on, right?”</p><p>“Nope.” Yuzuru shook his head, squeezing Javi’s fingers “But I can tell you have a speech prepared.”</p><p>“Maybe.” Javi smiled cheekily and then his expression turned soft, gentle “I had a great time with you, you know?”</p><p>“Me too.” </p><p>“And I just want to wish you- well, I’m terrible at goodbyes.If I could tell you what to do, I would tell you to get out there, find someone, fall in love. But...” Javi chuckled, and then sighed quietly, looking into Yuzuru’s eyes “Be happy, okay? The happiest you can be. I-”</p><p>He didn’t finish but Yuzuru knew what he wanted to say, and it was so touching he almost felt like he could cry a little, maybe. But tears weren’t welcome there, so Yuzuru only smiled and leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Javi’s.</p><p>“I will be very happy.” he whispered, and it felt like he wasn’t promising it only to Javi, but also to himself “Thank you, Javi. For everything.”</p><p>Javi laughed, quiet and sweet, before bringing their lips together for one more, one last kiss, and then he pulled away, standing up, and suddenly there was a lump in Yuzuru’s throat, something he hadn’t been expecting and now was sitting there, small and annoying. </p><p>“You have my email address.” Javi said, taking a step back “And my number. And basically all the data, so if anything-” he chuckled, still smiling, always smiling, and Yuzuru wanted to kiss him again but he knew that it wouldn’t be wise, to drag things on.</p><p>“Take care of yourself, Javi.” he said softly, and Javi nodded, his hand resting on the doorknob.</p><p>“You too, Yuzu. Have a safe flight.”</p><p>They looked at each other, right into each other’s eyes, and then the door clicked, and Yuzuru was alone, with Javi’s scent still on the sheets and his warmth still lingering to Yuzuru’s skin.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Yuzuru lifted the glass to his lips, taking an absent sip and putting it down. He scrolled through his phone, checking in an app which bus could he take home, but he didn’t really feel like going yet. Well, he was a bit tired, and that was part of the reason he was sitting there. If he was at home now, he would go to sleep immediately and ruin his plans of finally getting over that terrible jet lag that was making his life difficult for the past four days. </p><p>So he waved at the bartender, asked for a refill and a small bowl of peanuts, and looked down at his phone again, tapping it mindlessly.</p><p>Coming back to reality wasn’t that hard, but it wasn’t very pleasant either, and Yuzuru couldn’t really get back to his usual rhythm yet, and it felt like a part of him was still there, a continent and a half away, basking in the sunlight, enjoying warmth and sipping wine spritzer by the pool.</p><p>He missed that. The freedom, laziness of the days.</p><p>And he missed Javi, and the way he had been making him feel, comfortable and free, the way he made Yuzuru believe that life could be so easy.</p><p>Yuzuru shook his head, smiling to his memories, still fresh and making his skin tingle. </p><p>They exchanged a few texts, light and teasing, making Yuzuru grin, but he knew that it probably wouldn’t last long. The closeness they had bought in the span of those fewd days was ought to dissipate quietly, like memories of sunny days would disappear in the chill of incoming autumn.</p><p>“Nice bracelet.” </p><p>Yuzuru flinched, surprised, and turned his head to see a guy sitting two stools away, sipping on something that looked like room and coke, looking at Yuzuru with a small, friendly smile.</p><p>“Thanks.” Yuzuru said slowly, touching the beads, and the guy tilted his head a little, expression curious. </p><p>“Does it have some special meaning?”</p><p>“It’s… it’s a symbol of good memories.”</p><p>
  <em> Find someone. </em>
</p><p>For years, Yuzuru had never wanted more. He fit in quietly, settled down for loneliness that seemed to be the safest option. Or the easiest one. </p><p>But Javi had taught him something, with his kindness and that slight naivety he was carrying with him, that belief that there was not thing they wouldn’t be able to conquer if they tried.</p><p>
  <em> Fall in love. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Be happy. </em>
</p><p>“That sounds nice.” the stranger smiled, raising his glass, eyes twinkling in a way Yuzuru couldn’t really misinterpret “I’ll drink to that.” </p><p>Yuzuru nodded, and smiled back.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading, don't hesitate to tell me what you think!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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